Tuesday, March 10, 2009

miss misery

as soon as the ifosfomide begins to flow, so does the puke.

misery, misery, misery.

for some reason the drugs cause spasms in my lungs, making me hicup endlessly.

The mesna pump I've got to have hooked up to my port 24/7 does not help- I can barely sleep with the constant "katchha katchha" by my side, reminding me of my nausea and strange foreign poisions running through my veins.

One more month of hell.

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here is my baldy head.


Yuko Nagai said...

Hi Kaylin,

I am one of your Myspace friend, for some reason I wanted to check out your creations today and drifted right over here.
I applaude your bravery for sharing your process (and added a link to my blog, if you don't mind ;^)

Looking forward to your updates (and you DO look good even w/o hair).

Psiplex said...

You hang in there. This too shall pass. Sending you light, love and a quick recovery. Going through the nausea and the squits right with you in my chemo treatment.

Focus on the inner you that cannot be changed, is timeless and full of life energy- that's who you are my dear. We are not this cancer. We are all connected to the One Source and our true nature is Love. You are perfect the way you are.

One Love

christina hurricane said...

you're a warrior princess, kaylin, and so beautiful in too many ways to count. you are often in my thoughts and I am excited for you to red rover on over to the remission side. lots of love.

Anonymous said...

And I thought Sigourney Weaver was hot with a shaved head.

Anonymous said...

You are HOT in all lights! I love you tons! It's almost over! Yippeeee!

Ps- I found a bday card you gave me on my 17th bday. HILarious. haha I saved it for you! :)

Anonymous said...

you totally look like a rock star.

olivia said...

oh god.... hang in there babe!! It won't be much longer before you're back. We'll do great things, like go fabric shopping, visit the Warhol exhibition at the museum, walk barefoot along the beach, set the night on fire, and giggle over tea. All this and much more awaits for my warrior once she returns from battle.
love you so much.
many kisses and hugs!

Attica said...

i have awful hiccups as well - like nonstop, multi-hour marathon hiccups - and i finally found baclofen, which curbs them almost immediately. you should ask your oncologist about it.

hope that helps.

Opposcity said...

Hi Kailyn, pulling for you from Wisconsin... I'm the guy who works for the radiotherapy machine company (TomoTherapy). Just wanted to let you know that I got your awesome hand-drawn anatomy print yesterday. Thanks for sending it. I brought it to work and will use it to remind me and anyone who asks what this is all about: Strong people like you.

Unknown said...

You have a very nicely shaped head! Dont you feel lucky? You know there's only 200 of us a year? Dont you feel extra lucky? :)

Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

You are amazing, strong and beautiful inside and out! It's almost over my dear and you kicking ass and taking names!

Anonymous said...

Hi Kaylin,
You don't me me and never will, I suppose. I arrived at your blog somehow because I was poking around, looking for bits of wisdom and comfort for my friend and her 15yo son, who's just been diagnosed with Ewing's. That, after his dad got hit with non Hodgkins lymphoma, in 2005. He beat it and will help his son do it, too, damn it.
Anyway...your strength, candor, humanity and style have hooked me on your blog. You're teaching me what to say to this family (and what not to). And you're teaching me something about standing still long enough to take in the million little pieces of life going on around me all the time.
I hope you write that book. I will buy it. In the meantime, I want you to know that your words are touching a (formerly reluctantly aging) mother of four and a family she cares about. There is power in your words, and words are forever.
If there is any order in this oddly patterned universe, you have some kind of mission to fulfill. Beat the cancer and get to it ;-)
(with admiration and hope from a freelance writer/editor on the other side of the continent)