Thursday, October 29, 2009

It's all good.

Every time I go to the hospital it's like walking into battle with a butterknife. I become helpless. Literally, the sight of the word "infusion" displayed in bold letters on the back wall caused tears to well up in my eyes. This visit was much calmer than last time, though, partially because I was prepared for my feelings, and partially because I had a comforting shoulder to lean on.

CT results are N.E.D. My scan is showing improvement of the inflammation that radiation has caused. All looks good. My oncologist won't let me take my port out until the next scan in January.

All looks good...

The physical seems to be healing faster than the psychological. I'm trying my best. It's hard watching my Ewing's friends fall; I feel guilty for being so lucky. I wish there was more I could do, I wish I could change things for all of us.

I've recently organized all of the self portraits I took during treatment and have posted them to my FLICKR. It's interesting to see my range of emotion... the cute to the terribly ill. You can see a weight in my eyes during the chemo sessions. My eyes look like anvils. Perhaps my documentation will help some of you... look! You're not the only one who has had a disgustingly mangy half-bald head.

My friend and I are working on an art project to raise money and enrich the experience of other cancer patients. Remember Cancer Girl? We want to make her into a full-length comic that will give you something hilarious and uplifting to read while getting poison pumped into you. I remember my attention span being shit when I was getting my chemo... a comic would have been perfect.

Let me know if any of you would like to be involved in any way.

I hope you all are doing well!

8 comments:

POD said...

I could have used something hilarious and uplifting years ago when I first started eating the poison that we call food.

Jessie O said...

I love the idea of Cancer Girl. For a while I was working on a series of essays called "Funny, Sexy, Sad" inspired by a series of open night mics my friend arranged under the same title in SF. I actually read a bunch of comics when I was in treatment for the reasons you list. I'd be interested in being involved. JOettinger@gmail.com

--Jessie

Miss Melanoma said...

If you'll have me, I'd love to be involved. Hit me up.
missmelanoma@missmelanoma.com

Daria said...

Good stuff on the CT scan ... love the pictures.

Kate Burton said...

Let me know if I can help with the comic, my husband collects them and has been reading them for 30 years. He may have some ideas. aftercancer@yahoo.com

Becca said...

oh my god!!! me and some friends are working on a "Cancer Grrl" comic! now i'm conflicted, should I keep going with what we started on, or scrap it b/c someone's doing it, or try to collab with you...help!
email me, lets chat, cynnycal@yahoo.com

Becca said...

(p.s. i was a comic book superhero on halloween. i love superheros.)

Monica said...

I know how you feel...I've spent so much time inside an MRI machine I feel like a friggin tampon!