Wednesday, November 16, 2016


The headline of a new paper article published last month:

"Discovery of peculiar periodic spectral modulations in a small fraction of solar type stars."

Alien life in the form of light flashing from 243 stars out of 2.5 million.

1 in 10,000 objects with unusual spectra

It can't be coincidence-- it's more concrete than my cancer odds.

So I think it's finally time to say I'm dying, really-- I'm moving back to CA on the 22nd to be with family. I can no longer even get up on my own anymore so being alone in this apartment is pointless. There is no more that they can do for me as far as radiation or palliative chemo-- it's spread throughout my bone marrow at this point. I'm just done and I have to wait to die and I don't know how long that will take.

I'm so sad it's happening so soon. It seems like every day and week my body gets worse so much faster. And I have so much within me that I wish I could get out. So much. There is just no time.

I have writing on my phone that I hope my sister will someday share-- favorite movies or music that have been so important to me.

I hope someday my friends can make a book of my work & writing that inspires them-- I guess I'm hoping my loved ones will take on the endeavor, whatever they choose it to be.

As for me, I'm trying to control the pain with steroids & dilaudid as much as possible. I'm bedridden mostly. I'm composing and posting this from my phone so forgive my brevity & lack of pictures or composure. I would like to post more. I will try for more. I love you all.

38 comments:

Caroline said...

Hugs to you. I am sorry to hear how you cancer has progressed but think you have been phenomenal throughout your cancer journey. I have been reading your blog since the beginning. My thoughts are with you.

Jenni Patrykus said...

I'm sorry to read this. Go back to your family and let them love and care for you. Your independence and the way you live your life are beautiful.

Jenni P

Amanda said...

Love to you, dear one.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kaylin,

I first came across your blog while Googling after my next eldest brother was diagnosed with cancer. Reading yoir story helped me undestand a little better what he was facing. Your bravery and honesty throughout your battle have been beyond impressive, and your art is truly beautiful, as are you.

I am so sorry to read your post above and will continue to keep you in my prayers. As you head home to be with your family, I wish you peace and comfort in knowing how many lives you have touched through your story.

Pat

Anonymous said...

Damn, Kaylin . . . I'm so sorry. Sending love, light, and {{{HUGS}}} Whether you feel up to writing more or not, know that you've touched many & will be remembered forever. You've made a difference. Enjoy your family & allow them to love you up as much as they need and you want.

Kayla said...

Sending light and love to you. You were one of the first people I found on a website that was like social media for young people with cancer (why can't I remember the name of it for the life of me?) I have enjoyed "getting to know you" through this blog. May you find a little comfort in being home with family <3

Chelsey Willey said...

I've been following you/reading your blog since the MTV show and am so saddened that it has come to this. We've never met, but I can definitely say that I have been touched by this blog along with so many other people. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us, you have made a difference with your beautiful openness and honesty. Sending you so much love Kaylin <3

Anonymous said...

know that your art and your spirit has touched my life and the lives of countless other strangers, Kaylin. sending my love to you <3

Ann Marie said...

This makes me so sad that there's nothing doctors can do. When I stumbled on your blog so many years ago, you made me feel less alone in this world. And now on instagram I look at your photos and smile. You've made your mark in the world, nearly no one can say that. I am glad you're gong to be with family and I hope by some miracle there's some option for you there to live! If there's anything we can do, please let us know. Even if I've never met you, I love your soul and passion and I don't want you to die.

Anne Fuqua said...

Dear Katlin,
Please know you're always In my prayers. I'm so very sorry you're going through this. You've fought a fight that's been nothing less than heroic and you're handling this now with the class and grace that you've maintained through all these years. Thank you for sharing your story and art so unselfishly. You truly started a movement and your comic book will continue to comfort the next generation of the YAC community.

Aunt B said...

8-(

Anonymous said...

We love you too.

Erin914 said...

Hi Kaylin- you don't know me but I feel complelled to let you know that I've been "checking on you" ever since I saw your story on TV. It and you touched me in a way that has stuck with me and made me check to see how you're doing ever since- through your blog or twitter. You have left a mark on the world that will never die and I'm positive your family and friends will make sure that your life's work continues to be shared. My wish for you is that the love and company of your family will bring you peace and comfort. Love and hugs.

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Lori said...

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Gail said...

I'm so sorry! I've been following your story since I saw you on Jenks Season2. Since then, I've had 2 of my best friends die from cancer and now I'm supporting/helping my younger sister as she goes thru Stage IV colon cancer. I hate it. I hate that we don't have a cure and I hate the progression of it. I'm thinking of you. I'm praying for you. I actually bought a couple of your comic books to help friends as they go thru cancer. Thank you. No matter what, your light continues to shine.

Anonymous said...

cancer is a bitch... all my family die from cancer....it robs your life....it takes you away from your loved ones quicker than you want to go....she said when she found out looks like my time is up. The hardest part is leaving behind the people you love. lying there watching your loved ones still living while you are dying. thank God for morphine. stay strong and keep smiling. and when you hear laughter your time has come.

RB said...

You are an inspiration to many. Your bravery, passion for life, and perseverance is something only some come to know. Sending you tons of love from Southern California. You matter and will matter for years to come. xoxo

Carolyn Smith said...

Kaylin,
Fuck.
I just want to say thank you for sharing your story with us. You are a great source of inspiration for myself and countless others and your creativity, strength, and bravery is unlike anything I've ever known. I pray for peace for you as you enter this new journey and i hope you are as comfortable as possible. Please know that we're all out here and we think of you often and you will never be forgotten. Sending you lots of love from LA. xoxo

BH said...

You are a legacy, a beautiful soul. You will never be forgotten. I have no words that could make a difference but I do hope you know you are loved. Thanks for being honest in a world that is not.

Anonymous said...

Big hugs from Spain :*

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Anonymous said...

Rest easy angel

Deb said...

RIP beautiful Kaylin. You inspired us all.

Anonymous said...

Rest in peace and power Kaylin. Love always.

Aunt B said...

Kaylin Marie Andres

28 May 1985 - 21 Nov 2016

She packed a lot of living into the last eight years.

Rest In Peace

Melinda Strommer said...

I am so sad to read this post and to find out you passed away this week. Rest and be free.

Amber Gregory said...

Oh Kaylin. I will never forget you.

Jessica said...

Oh Kaylin, I only just found out you've moved on. When I read the post I knew your time here was drawing to a close but I still thought there would be time to try and encapsulate what your words have meant to me over the years. Like many here, I've never met you but nonetheless you've touched my spirit. To say you were an amazing soul would be such an understatement. It's comforting to know that a light as bright as yours can never be extinguished and wherever you are now you're happy and free from pain. You always inspired me with your immense strength and incredible ability to keep fighting against all odds and most importantly the way you were determined to live life to the fullest as best you could despite how you felt. I will never forget that and will definitely never forget you. Sending so much love to you and everyone who was blessed to know you. <3

Anonymous said...

From your last few posts, I knew it was coming, but I wasn't ready for it anyways.
I can't believe you're gone.
So many people have been touched by your spirit, your writing, your art, and the tiny glimpse of your life we got to watch on tv.
Thank you for keeping us updated, for sharing your thoughts and hopes and dreams. It's not fair you didn't get to accomplish them all, but goddamn if you didn't accomplish more in your few years than many do in their whole lives.
My heart goes out to your family and close friends. I hope they keep each other comforted through the shittyness of it all.
We've never met or even spoken, but you inspired me (and so many others) constantly. I hope that is something your family can take some small amount of solace in.
Thank you thank you thank you. You will not be forgotten.
Fuck cancer.
-emc

Anonymous said...

What can we learn from Kaylin??? 1. Life is temporary and we won't all grow old 2. Make the most of every day. 3. Fight obstacles and battles that come our way; never give up 4. Cherish friends and family 5. Cancer and illness is horrid and awful 6. Spend time on what one is passionate about 7. Love, compassion and kindness is what makes this eartlhy existence special and wondrous
8. Enjoy the present moment - not ruminating about the past or future. 9. Be of service and support each other.

Thinking of Kaylin's friends and family who miss her dearly. Kaylin is an inspiration to all of us and appreciate her decision to share her journey with the world.
Sharon xox

anne said...

cancer
In Dec. of 2013 I was diagnosed with terminal
cancer at the age of 39. The doctors could give
me no hope. I did have chemo and radiation, the
doctors thought that could prolong my life for a
little while. In March of 2014 I had surgery, thats
when they found that the cancer had spread to
my lymp nodes in my right hip area and couldn't
get it all with the surgery. Now it looked like 3-6
months is all I would live. It was a very
aggressive form of colorectal cancer. But WhenI came across doctor Kumar from India he cured my terminal cancer with herbs I'm living very healthy today you too can be save or someone else contact the cancer and kidney doctor via email: DR.KUMARDAVID42@GMAIL.COM

Tink said...

Kaylin or any family that reads this,
I've have found out tonight about your passing back in November. May you Rest In Peace now far away from the pain or illness. I hope that you made it back home to your family in CA butvalways thought you were so brace to say Fuck Cancer & move across the country so far from your support system & everything that you knew to start a new life & follow your dreams. I enjoyed the brief conversations that we had, discussing being ill & discussing your art. I will keep with me always the picture you shared of your hospital gown embroidery & always wish you would have let me purchase a piece from you. I'm thankful to be able to call you a friend & will miss looking forward to getting a message from you hear about your adventures or your newest exhibit. May you enjoy making art with the angels while Ice continues to comfort those left behind. Goodbye my friend.

frank dustin said...

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Amber Gregory said...

I miss you, Kaylin.

Dadas190 said...

No

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