Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Alter Egos

The mutant radiation-chemo combo has given me the power of the Alter Ego. Observe:

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Hey guys, I feel great. I am single-handedly making cancer my bitch and I've also got this great Linsdsey Lohan hairdo. I will be back before you know it!


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oh, hey, an eskeemo only a mother could love. Right after chemo; I've just puked. I'm really scared of dying right now. My eyebrows are falling off. I'm hopefully half way done but I cry at the thought of enduring this for another 3 1/2 months. I cry A LOT. I feel I've lost all of my friends and I miss them dearly.

Unfortunately the latter has become the norm.

Lately I have succumbed to numbness- perhaps I've just become used to my situation. When the pain becomes too much to bear, my mind just pops right off from my body like a balloon. I feel separated from everything, just floating and unfeeling. I span time like this. Nothing else matters. Great coping mechanism, huh?

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11 comments:

elaine said...

kaylin, girl, you look beautiful any way, every way, all ways.

stephen said...

My 83 year old grandma just got knocked down, talked to jesus on morphine and all her dead siblings, then pulled through and is as good as ever!

You'll be fine!

Have a wonderful holiday!

Hugs and kisses!

Stephen

olivia said...

the sadness in your eyes in the second photo crushed my heart into a dozen smaller beating pieces. each one beating for a different reason... sorrow, loss, empathy, anger, hope.. but more than one beats for love. I love you and can't wait to see you again. Even if it means I will be bedside holding a bucket for you to vomit in.
I know words are weak in comparison with action, so I will really really try to make it up there in the next month.
I miss you dearly and hope the Christmas spirit brings a smile to your pretty face.

-olivia

Maria said...

I think about you every day.

Check the mail in a week or so for a belated holiday gift.

love,

Maria

UnparalleledUmbrellas said...

robyn and i are sending you something soon! we miss u and think of u everyday. our families also send there love and warm wishes.

ps. u look cute as an eskeemo in my opinion! i also like the way people sound when theyre sick, ever since i was little...

xo

BEN said...

girl dont be crazy, you didnt lose any friends...we'll be getting lost on the way to a seemingly easy-to-find destination and not really giving a shit before you know it...oh and gmail me your address, i wanna send you stufffffff

Valerie said...

I like the eskimo pic, too... even though it's sad. Feel better and ask for more fun drugs

ripmorbidkitty said...

*hugs* You're not alone at all... You're very lucky to have all the friends and support you've got backing you. And you still looking amazingly beautiful.:)3 months is going to go fast...once the weather gets better. Sunny days will make it a little easier.

Stay warm with lots and lots of pillows :D

kaylin marie said...

thanks everyone <3<3<3

Jon $olo said...

Hang in there because too many people care about you and NEEED you around!!!!! I really hate to see you go through this!!! But time flies and it will be over before you know it... and you will be a better, stronger, more appreciative-of-life person than us all... can't wait to come see you in Sacto again!
xo

Lauren Forshee said...

Your blog is amazing. You're so incredibly strong and when you are at your weakest point remember everything you have been through. You're never alone. You are loved.