Thursday, January 1, 2009

the biggest loser

I had a wonderfully understated new years eve, nothing compared to the booze-soaked disappointments of yesteryear. I went to a house party where I found an old high school acquaintance, and from there we decided to watch the ball drop in downtown Sacramento. I had to tell him eventually that I had cancer. As we walked back to the car amongst the meandering crowd he asked, "Are you winning the fight?"

Am I? No one's asked this before. Am I winning? It feels like I'm losing more than anything else. I'm losing my ego, losing weight, losing the tumor, losing my bones. Losing my old unhealthy habits, losing my mind. Losing (not using) my misguided illusions about life. I am the biggest loser I know.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure my answer was simply, "yeah."

I received a package in the mail last week from Ann Marie of Archaic Mementos and was elated to find all of these wonderful jewels awaiting me. As a designer, I appreciate the power of word-of-mouth, so I will show you the goods:

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This pendant is a clock hand! It feels wonderful wearing something handmade; even the clasps have detail that put my store-bought jewelry to shame. My favorite thing:

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Also, here is another site I've found with amazing jewelry such as anatomical organs, moustaches, and strange animals. If a lover or friend gave me anything like this I think I'd pee my pants with old-fashioned glee.

Radiation tomorrow. Ah, another day.

3 comments:

donnatrussell.com said...

I like your attitude.

If it's any comfort, my cancer survival statistics were horrendous--30 percent, cut to 15 because of my aggressive cell type. But I'm 7 years out now, and there's still no sign of recurrence.

May you have the same good fortune.

sarah said...

"Am I winning? It feels like I'm losing more than anything else. I'm losing my ego, losing weight, losing the tumor, losing my bones. Losing my old unhealthy habits, losing my mind. Losing (not using) my misguided illusions about life. I am the biggest loser I know."

wow... i love this. i mean, i don't love it, but you know. profound. and oh, how i have felt this way and didn't know how to express it the way you have.

Carrie said...

I spent my New Year's Eve recovering from my last chemo treatment (hopefully ever) the day before. It wasn't fun, but at least I didn't let down the tradition of feeling terrible on New Year's Day, right?

As far as losing goes, did you get to keep your hair???