Tuesday, January 13, 2009

two things

I am sorry for not returning calls and emails. Deep down I want to shield all of my friends from this experience. I don't want myself to be a reminder of their own mortality. I'd rather just disappear for the time being and come back healthy.

Sometimes your life just exhibits this weird continuity... I am convinced that time has already happened and we are just chugging along on one track of consciousness when there is this whole network of railways, unknown to us. Enough deepness, though. This post should be about two things only:

eyebrows and bad t.v.

#1.) My eyebrows have fallen out, now four months into chemo. I am mourning. Despite all of the effects, from the baldness to the constant nausea, eyebrows and eyelashes were the things that kept me looking (and feeling) human. Plus, they were really nice eyebrows. beautiful arches of glory. RIP.

#2.) Cancer makes you a t.v. addict. Not just any t.v. addict, mind you, but the long, sprawling teen melodrama kind. I did not watch t.v. for three years, so many of these pop-culture references are only just coming to realization. For instance:

I saw this circa 2005.

This guy went to a Halloween party as Sandy Cohen's eyebrow. I had no idea who Sandy Cohen was, but the idea of dressing yourself up as one giant eyebrow left a lasting impression.

I started watching The O.C. today. Yes, from the beginning. It's an embarrassing reality of cancer-patient life, even worse than the vomiting. So, I was watching... and saw a sight so horrifying:

I KNOW that eyebrow!! and yes, immediately deduced that this was indeed Sandy Cohen. (proof that it was a REALLY good costume).

That's about it. I have lost my eyebrows and regressed to watching The OC. I will leave you with this witty little piece of banter:

"god dad those eyebrows are out of control."

"it's a sign of power, you know..."

"well then, you must be the most powerful man in the world."


Val said...

Two more things-
1. this will not last forever
2. i bet you're still cute without body hair

Kate Burton said...

Two more things:
Lost your eyebrows this far in sucks
You are more than your eyebrows and you can do this!

Anonymous said...

This is my second time through chemo,and my eyebrows haven't fallen out yet--but i check them regularly and they are definitely thinning. This time around is not as intense, so i am more concerned with my appearance, and i remember last time that once my eyebrows were gone i REALLY looked like a cancer patient--so i know, it SUCKS. but hang in there, they will grow back! (also, i started watching the OC when i went through this 3 years ago...you are making me want to pick it back up!)

olivia said...

i still miss you and love you, hairless or hairy.
these are superficial aspects. what matters most who you are. the loving smart and creative person is who i miss, not the eyebrows.
love you. hang in there. you're getting through it day by day!

laura said...

i know that chemo sucks the life-force out of us, so you probably weren't feeling awesome when you wrote this, but it was really, really funny and very true, and made me laugh. and then i went "owwwww" because it made my mouth hurt (ulcers).

my eyebrows are thinning, and i think about how important it is for me to keep them on a daily basis. argh! i feel your pain. we NEED eyebrows. i hear they grow back quickest. also, tv has become my life, and i never cared about it before. anyway, never be embarrassed about the tv marathons! if you have any recommendations, i am all ears.

anyway, those two things also rule my thoughts quite often, so i enjoyed your post.

Anonymous said...

They will come back...don't worry and when they come back, they will be so smashing...just like the baby hair that will come with it. I wonder if you'll get the curly locks too. They say it comes back in that way but I don't know how true it is for everyone. :D

I used to watch the Food Network the whole time...I couldn't eat anything, so it was kind of like feeding me psychologically...and in that...I made a cook book! It really help keeping the sanity...as well as comedy central..someone has to keep the laughs coming. :)

kaylin andres said...

cook book! great idea. amazing what we come up with to keep our minds busy.

Anonymous said...

I just finished watchin the entire series of the oc from begining to end! I went on maternity leave in august and got sucked in. I glad I'm not the only one :)

-jenni :)