Thursday, May 14, 2009

welp.

I am officially in remission.


ummm.


so...



yeah...



now what?

.
..
...


shit.


I'm not special anymore, am I? I'm jobless, homeless, broke, bald, and "healthy" on paper. My oncologist seems to think I'll be fit for a 40 hour work week by next month. Thanks cancer, thanks a lot.

Thanks for the "life lesson". It's been fun, really.
IT'S BEEN FUCKING HILARIOUS.

16 comments:

rackled said...

Welcome to... the afterlife. Nope, just the same shit as everyone else now, only minus a year and with more problems... Sad but true unfortunately. My Facebook picture sums up my thoughts on the subject.

lisa-lurkey said...

Some ingenues take a junior year abroad. Your year at the school of hard knocks - not so much fun. Will you be going back to design school in the fall? I hope so!

I also hope you get to have a real summer vacation.

xxoo

Maria said...

Congrats Lady. I hope to see your face soon.

Daria said...

I like the way you summed it up.

Kate Burton said...

You are where I was when I started blogging, welcome to the day after. Some days are going to be a hell of a lot better than others and every now and then when you're not paying attention for a brief second you'll forget about cancer.

When you figure out how to string them together let the rest of us know. Just remember, you were not alone during cancer and you're not alone now.

diminished said...

Yep. It's a fucking bitter pill to swallow.
But now you can move on.

olivia said...

as Dan said, "Let's drink!!"

;)

POD said...

GAWD..when it was over for me, I read a book. (Dancing in Limbo: Making sense of life after cancer.) I'm not sure how helpful it will be for you but I always feel better reading about other's experiences.

It's definitely a bizarre feeling to be in a fury of hopeful cure and afterward be chucked out and sent on your way. Don't let the door hit you...

The best revenge is to get on with your life. I cannot say (write) that enough.

mo from ne said...

Good Luck with the after part of cancer. I appreciate your brave and humorous writing. Thanks for sharing. It helps me to know there is someone else out there dealing with cancer with a slightly cynical view.

Luke said...

Yeah, after active treatment can be a wee mind fuck at times. I think it's a brutally beautiful existance we get. You'll find the beauty parts. Keep friends who care about you beyond their human weaknesses. They'll help you with the beauty part and get you through soul punches.

Best wishes

Always

Anonymous said...

Get a job slakey. No more sympathy train. Kidding, I love you, come back to SF

POD said...

I attended a class on Saturday -- all 'students' were post treatment. The class was for volunteers willing to help those who find out they have a cancer diagnosis. We all got 5-10 to tell our quickie cancer stories. All types of cancer, all types of body parts removed, bladders, uterus, breasts, colons. All stages too.

Everyone was full of life (for that moment in time) and in that room, ready to help others, newbies. Not a complaint among them. We shared fun times and sad times. We talked about how people offer advice, ask us how we felt about "the gift of cancer" (huh?) asked how angry we were and did we know that "anger causes cancer?" We talked about how when all the excitement of treatment is over, how husbands, lovers, friends and life expects us to kind of shake it all off and get back to our lives and quit feeling sorry for ourselves. We talked about how life is never, ever the same as it was before and never will be again.

kaylin marie said...

that sounds like a really interesting class, though I'm not sure about the "anger causes cancer" bit. Ajusting to change, acclimating to a world with cancer center stage, that's the new challenge...

POD said...

No, sorry -- anger doesn't cause cancer. That's just an inside joke, I guess. During my treatment (and before) people would suggest, what I consider silly reasons people get cancer. One of those is anger, resentment etc. Anything to separate us from them.

Should have made my statement more clear.

This class was not really a class so much as a meeting. I'm in Santa Cruz. The organization is called Womencare. The meeting was for volunteers to help people who are newly diagnosed. I did not use their services when I first found out I had cancer, but I discovered them later in my treatment. I go to a support group twice monthly and volunteer for this SOS thing (Sisters Offering Support). During our discussion we joked about all the things (well-meaning) people say to victims of cancer. Things like :
"Oh, you must be a really angry person."
To which I might reply, "Not before but now, yes."

WomencareWhat decision did you make about the hip? Anything yet? (not that it's my business).

POD said...

Cancercare Education WorkshopThis is a free workshop where you sign up, listen to the experts, and they open the call up for questions at the end. Last one I listened to was last month. May 19th is The Seventh Annual Cancer Survivorship Series: Living With, Through and Beyond Cancer, Part II: The Importance of Nutrition and Physical Activity.
These workshops are also available via podcast.
You can sign up for the class via the link above (if I entered it correctly).

Luckey One said...

Best oif luck finding your way in this new post-treatment jouney. And, by the way, you ARE special