t'was the day before Christmas...

and not a cancer cell stirring (I hope).

Christmas brings mixed feelings. I love being home for the holidays, but I can't help remembering December of last year; it was the lowest, most despondent, most painful month of my life. And hey!! It's all documented here, just a click away.

Here I am, sitting in the exact same spot on the couch, laptop and all, that I sat for all of those miserable months. I see the big tree on the other side of the window, bare spindle arms still exactly the same. I remember watching the leaves fall and imagining each one a cancer cell, withering, dying, disintegrating into non-existence. Hoping the seasonal cycle of death was happening in my body as well.

It was.

I am so thankful I went through veritable hell and made it back for one more year. A few of my friends didn't, and I feel as though it's my duty to relish every sensation that they've been robbed of. Happiness, gratitude, I feel it in my bones.

Hair update: It's growing in kinky and I can totally comb it into a righteous fro. I've always hated the smell of unwashed hair, you know, the combination of oils and skin and such, but I LOVE it now. I run my fingers through my hair and inhale. Mmmmmm, to be human again. And bangs! observe:

This next bit might be TMI, but then, I suppose that's the point- my little ovary buddies are working again, complete with PMS and cramps and the holy parting of the red sea. Apparently my chemo-induced menopause was temporary. Who knew I'd be so happy to be bloated and irritated?

enough about me...

I want to pass this contest along but I'm too lazy to summarize, so here's the deal:

Honor a special oncology nurse for CURE's 2010 Extraordinary Healer Award
for Oncology Nursing

For the fourth year in a row, CURE is giving you a unique opportunity to
honor an oncology nurse through the 2010 Extraordinary Healer Award for
Oncology Nursing! CURE will accept essay nominations from patients,
survivors, caregivers, and peers describing the compassion, expertise, and
helpfulness that a special oncology nurse has exhibited.

Three nurse finalists and the individuals who nominated them by essay, plus
one guest each, will receive round-trip airfare and two-night accommodations
in San Diego, where they will be honored at a reception to be held in
conjunction with the Oncology Nursing Society's 35th Annual Congress, on May
13th, 2010. One nurse will be presented with the 2010 Extraordinary Healer
Award for Oncology Nursing, and will also receive a special gift in
recognition of his or her service to cancer patients and survivors.

The deadline is April 5, 2010.

See http://bit.ly/76xoPg

I love my oncology nurses. I give them a mental hug every time I think of them. Perhaps they deserve more than invisible gestures of gratitude.