Wednesday, November 16, 2016

The headline of a new paper article published last month:

"Discovery of peculiar periodic spectral modulations in a small fraction of solar type stars."

Alien life in the form of light flashing from 243 stars out of 2.5 million.

1 in 10,000 objects with unusual spectra

It can't be coincidence-- it's more concrete than my cancer odds.

So I think it's finally time to say I'm dying, really-- I'm moving back to CA on the 22nd to be with family. I can no longer even get up on my own anymore so being alone in this apartment is pointless. There is no more that they can do for me as far as radiation or palliative chemo-- it's spread throughout my bone marrow at this point. I'm just done and I have to wait to die and I don't know how long that will take.

I'm so sad it's happening so soon. It seems like every day and week my body gets worse so much faster. And I have so much within me that I wish I could get out. So much. There is just no time.

I have writing on my phone that I hope my sister will someday share-- favorite movies or music that have been so important to me.

I hope someday my friends can make a book of my work & writing that inspires them-- I guess I'm hoping my loved ones will take on the endeavor, whatever they choose it to be.

As for me, I'm trying to control the pain with steroids & dilaudid as much as possible. I'm bedridden mostly. I'm composing and posting this from my phone so forgive my brevity & lack of pictures or composure. I would like to post more. I will try for more. I love you all.