Thursday, March 25, 2010

I just want to say, very quickly, WOOHOO HEALTHCARE REFORM!!!!

I realize it will take several years to be put into effect, but I'm so happy this passed in congress. Sharing is caring, even if it's our hard-earned money. Healthcare should NOT be big business, in my opinion.

Here are a couple of links, spelling out the pros and cons in a simple and succinct way:

Pros and Cons of the healthcare reform proposal

5 key things to remember about healthcare reform

Monday, March 15, 2010

I'm so high maintenance

pain status: same as before, but now a lingering fatigue. I can sleep 14 hours and wake up tired. Also, my bones hurt. It feels exactly like the pain I got from Neupogen injections, like hot lava in your bones, burning and radiating out. It makes me restless, I want to stretch and shake the pain away. My fingertips are tingly. I yawn a lot. I've had a constant nausea for the last few days, which makes food unpalatable.

I've been having a tough time keeping up with life. This is a hard thing for a perfectionist to handle. Harder, harder, work harder to be normal. You must hide your physical pain, you've got to fight off your anxiety, you need to combat fatigue. Take your pills.

My collection due date is in exactly one month and one week.
work work work

My friend is dying slowly, but much faster than me. This is terrifying; to have a window into what will probably (50%) be your own unwanted fate. A flip of the coin. Every moment my mind is left to wonder, it wonders about death.

It crosses my mind frequently that this collection may be the last I ever design. So it's got to be good. It's got to be. perfect.

Anais Nin once wrote, "I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing".

I postpone death.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Lizzy Mercier Descloux

Lizzy Mercier did a really cute song called "tumor" in 1976, sung to the tune of the classic Peggy Lee song "Fever".

Listen to it HERE, via Hype Machine.

A couple more of photos of Lizzie:

+Patti Smith on the left

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Some bald high fashion for you:



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me without hair, I missed those little follicles.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

no rest for the wicked

pain status: gradually increasing aching at tumor site, lower back, and left femur. The pain has been waking me up around 1 or 2am; I can't return to sleep unless I've taken 2 percocet and smoked a bowl. I will henceforth be referring to this blog as "increasingly annoying late-onset scar tissue pain is hilarious." Make note in your bookmarks.

This quote is from one of my favorite books, Letters to a young Poet. I had it on my wall while I was going through chemo. Don't be scared, rather, appreciate the unknown.

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.” -Rilke