Wednesday, September 10, 2008

on trading sewing needles for hypodermic ones...

I have two self portraits today:
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The first is after emailing my professor to say that I'd have to miss real class tomorrow in lieu of "chemo class". I get my port put in tomorrow as well. One of the only things I can't take- the only thing that breaks me down- is the very real possibility that I won't be continuing school. I cry every single time I email my teachers.

I also got a call from the surgeon this morning- the cancer has not spread to my lungs. joy! We have two options: surgery or radiation. Surgery would involve taking out half of my pelvic bone. It would be years of recovery, and I most likely would need to walk with a cane. Radiation involves some very unpleasant side effects and the possibility of me turning into Rogue or having some sort of nuke superpower. Needless to say, I chose this option.

I am grappling with the issue of infertility due to radiation. It's fucking depressing, let me tell you, because I would make such a rad mom. They will save my little eggies for me just in case, but really, it's like having your womanhood stolen from you.

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Later on the sister and I went to the super AZN mega mart in south sac to buy ancient chinese secrets and jolly jelly shooters.

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always match your shirt to your trolley.

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I bought ol' san lazaro so I can light him up and meditate on the fact that at least I'm not that guy.


aliterarymarvel said...

I know you're agnostic, but I decided after pissing away all the years of church my parents forced upon me I'd explore on my own. I have my own thoughts and ideas about God and his posse and while I can't exactly put a label on how I perceive things, I know someone is listening to me. Black? Maybe. Woman? Perhaps. None the less I am thinking of you when me and Jesus have our talks which I suppose means I am praying for you. Asian markets tend to make things better, I always treat myself to a mysterious candy with Hello Kitty and it always makes me feel better. I know my dialysis treatment is nothing like radiation, but again I'm here. Love love.

Val said...

LOL yeah lepers have body parts that fall off.
I think you made a good decision on the radiation vs missing pelvis.
Hooray for no spread!!!! That made me really excited :)
what the hell is a jolly jelly shooter? We don't have asian markets here in ole bama

Anonymous said...

Talk to a doctor about harvesting and freezing some eggs. I got screwed out of that one since my drs didn't think about it or even ask me..and I found out too late. You might have a chance having kids down the future. You should do this before the treatments start.

Anonymous said...

oh duh...I totally misread what you wrote. *tired* That's awesome they're doing that for you. At least you know they will be there for when you're ready to be an awesome mom. :)

kaylin andres said...

hey sara- they're actually not saving my eggs, because it would take too much time and they wanted me on chemo NOW. the Dr. just lied to me. ughhh.

well, you never know, i guess..