Wednesday, May 25, 2011

my heart soars on the streets of Brooklyn

So, I am here, fucking finally, after 2 years of failed planning, doubt, and illness getting in my way. I mean, it's still in my way, but from now on I'm going to be that rude bitch on the street that just elbows past it, never even looking back or apologizing, because I HAVE SOMEWHERE I NEED TO BE. So there.

(It's taken me a very long time to get to this point.)

I've had a lot going on lately. A documentary crew, which I am forbidden to speak of, has been following me since late April. They even filmed my flight here with iceman. It's incredibly surreal and exhausting. I'm doing this because I hope people will benefit from it in the same way as this blog; here is a girl you can relate to, whose had struggle and suffering and pain and is somehow stubborn enough to keep pursuing a dream, and most importantly, willing to let you into her life. Seriously, everyone is welcome. I invite you all to share my life with me. I feel it would be a waste if I didn't share it.

My health is stable right now. I'm currently on an oxycontin/codone regimen that works well enough. I'm not pain free, but I can get out of bed in the mornings. It does make me drowsy & I'm trying to get an rx for Nuvigil, which my doc said would combat the fatigue. Has anyone tried this? I worry that I won't have the stamina to work the normal 8-12 hour days required in the fashion industry. We'll see... I need to secure a JOB first, a task I am finding heartbreakingly difficult so far.

Keep trying, keep working, keep moving. Keep your chin up, kid. Many, many artists and writers that I admire struggled with countless rejections and few published works during their lifetime. The shared human experience is surprisingly consistent.

The comic is going well, I have left Jon with all of the final illustrations and we are preparing to finally send out backer prizes, yay! We are planning to release the 1st issue in conjunction with the airing of this "documentary series" who's name we dare not mention.

What else? I'm enjoying the beautiful weather and my working body, walking right foot, left foot, cognizant that I might not have the chance someday. Happy despite great faults. Hopeful to nurture new friendships and meet kindred spirits. and stuff.

I like you too

that pretty much sums it up.


Theo said...

You go, girl!

I've used provigil, the predecessor of nuvigil. I personally did not find it helpful -- it revved up my crankiness, mostly -- but know people who have found it quite helpful with chronic fatigue & depression. Ritalin or concerta (timed-release ritalin) can be used the same way, & I have heard good reports about both. For any of the drugs I've mentioned, the potential for getting physically hooked, so that you need ever-larger doses and feel bad if you don't have the stuff, is much smaller than it is with dexadrine, meth -- you know, speed. Adderol is sometimes used to treat fatigue, but I don't recommend messing with it. You feel terrible the day after you use it. And you can get hooked pretty easily.

If you don't mind being sleazy, you can sometimes get a doc to prescribe ritalin by faking ADD symptoms.

Keep us posted.

kaylin andres said...

thanks for this sasha! I'll be getting the rx in the mail in about a week. I'll let you know if it makes me cranky too :)

I'm definitely not happy to be on so many meds that are potentially phys addictive, but I guess it'll have to do for now. I'd like to eventually phase them out.