Sunday, February 19, 2012

reflections and predictions

Since I was too busy with work to properly reflect on New Year's resolutions, I'll do so now.

But first, a little catch-up:

Monday was our a/w 2012 fashion show at Betsey Johnson, and sadly, my last day with the company.


this plaid was my doing (via

1/2 of the assistant design team

Working at BJ (however brief a stint it was) has proved to be one of the highlights of my life-- purely for the amazing people I've met, and the chance to know Betsey herself,  a personal idol of mine since I first resolved to navigate a sewing machine. How many people can say they've fulfilled a dream job they had at age 13? 

Unfortunately mine was a temp position, and my body ultimately couldn't sustain the 12 hour workdays for more than 5 months. The day after show I flew out to CA for scans to determine the source of my increased pain. I'll see my oncologist one last time this Tuesday for the results.

This break in Work brings up many questions about my future, which is something I am always reluctant to think about since Cancer. How can I find a job with a lower physical impact? How can I find a position that actually offers health coverage ( i.e., how to escape freelancer's purgatory)?  On a broader scale, what do I want to do with my life, now that I know my body can't quite hold up to 7th ave fashion industry? Now that I have crossed a life-goal off the proverbial list?

My thoughts scan back and forth between what has made me most happy in life, and what I could do to make others most happy.

Sometimes I settle on my past, on faults and bad coping mechanisms, or physical pain, but only briefly, as I remember all of the good I am capable of doing if I so choose. Without intending to sound melodramatic-- every single day is a struggle. But the days seem to keep coming.

So, what now?


Caroline said...

There are health insurance options now. Check very cool you got to meet betsey .

Dan said...

Be a writer. Difficult, yes, but it's probably not any harder than breaking into the fashion industry, which you apparently were able to do. Just a random thought from a stranger...

John's Brain said...

love the plaid!

Angelina said...

I agree with Dan. Be a writer. You have too much to tell: from your experience, your life, your imagination. Also, you have the skills to do it.

After that incredible job experience, you will be more prepare for the job market (you know, now you have the "experience" that they always were asking for).

I wish you the best!

Mia said...

I'm with you. I am also in limbo between careers and trying to find my way professionally since cancer. Our bodies are not the same and cannot hold up to the same kind of abuse we subjected them to before (well, they really couldn't hold up to it before either, but they did the best they could).

I have to hope we will find the right paths and cling on to the whole fate thing. Keep blogging.

kaylin andres said...

dan & angelina-- that's what I'm trying to do currently-- break into freelance writing, only I'm not sure how to do it properly. for now... blog more I guess?

mia, thank you, I will!


Unknown said...

Hey Kaylin! I think you would make a fabulous writer! your sense of style and humor are a great combo. I've enjoyed reading your blog, be great to get some sponors to write about fashion! I think you are totally talented on so many levels! I send you only the best in healing energy and light! What ever path you choose you will be happy because you follow your dreams...keep dreaming!