Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I'll figure it out eventually.

June & July have been full of the usual minutia of a young, broke(n) cancer survivor trying to earn a living in a creative field. Mainly... looking for jobs, interviewing for jobs, doing unpaid projects for jobs, and then not being called back, ever, for jobs. On the upside, my portfolio is bangin' & every time I do unpaid work for a company it increases its bangin'ness.

The downside is that I can't afford a living, still. Barely making it through rent every month, barely paying my cc minimums, barely affording food (I usually dig up quarters every evening to buy some produce for dinner from the local bodega). Forget about medical care, because I have none. I had a sinus infection a few weeks ago that required treatment, and luckily I was able to find a great Free Clinic here in Brooklyn that would dispense antibiotics at no cost-- the catch is you have to wait 8 hours to be seen just like the other 30 people in the room. Doing that once every now-and-then for an emergency is totally bearable, doing it every time you have a medical issue? not so much.

Honestly-- everything I've been going through is normal for someone my age with self-inflicted creative goals. I could've been an accountant, right? (yeah right.)

I knew it would be difficult moving to NY and I did it anyway. Struggle is requisite to personal growth & fulfillment, I say to myself as I try to avoid conversation with the homeless gentleman with gonorrhea seated next to me. We both left that day with a gigantic gift baggy of condoms & lube, swag from the city health initiative. I hope he used his, and not just for water balloons like I did.

What I didn't bargain for, here in NY chasing the design dragon, was Cancer. If I could've known about my future cancer/chronic pain/medical issues, I would not have spent my life learning the art of the cloth. I would've sensibly found myself a steady job that left me unfulfilled but offered medical insurance, peace of mind, and a decent quality of life.

oh well.

Anyone need a freelance designer? I have a bangin' portfolio...

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

This hit a little too close to home for me.

I started sewing when I was 6. Started sketching when I was about 10. And went to school for apparel design right out of High School. Finished when I was 21, and went straight into my Masters.

But all my goals changed when I started haveing ALL kinds of medical issues midway through my undergrad.

I am still undiagnosed over 5 years later. I am in constant pain, and my muscle, nerve, and joint issues often result in me being unable to walk or grip.

And so I am stuck. I can't do what I love because my body won't allow it. And even if it did, I can't imagine giving up my health insurance, as I typically spend well over my paycheck each year for all my medication, tests, and doctors visits.

And I sit at my desk, day after day, working as an accountant. I'm good at. I can physically do the work (most days). And it provides my much needed health insurance.

But I long for the day when I can be creative again. Sketching, sewing, and creating again.